That’s the answer I received from a classroom of teenage girls when I asked them what love meant to them.
I was astonished that anyone could associate love as pain.
I was even more puzzled by the fact that the entire group of young girls felt the same way.
I decided to ask the same question to a different set of girls … just to find out if this was a common theme among young people.
The same answer resonated among these girls as well.
To say I was taken back is an understatement.
Although this realization pained me, it opened my eyes to how many girls, young ladies, and even women perceive love.
It also made me ask another question.
“Why do so many believe love is pain?”
I soon learned, during the numerous conversations I started having around the topic, that the problem actually begins with each individual’s interpretation of what love is.
To the young girls and...
Do you remember what life was like when you were in your late teens and early twenties?
If you were anything like me, you had extraordinary dreams and expectations of what life was going to be like.
Almost … a little fairy-tale-ish … if I had to be honest with myself.
I remember one instance from this time in my life that left me simultaneously feeling shaken and excited.
I entered Walmart to run a quick errand. The Walmart greeter welcomed me to the store … just like he had with all those who entered before me.
After greeting me, he took a second look at me and stopped me. His face had changed from the generic greeter smile to one of serious wisdom.
“I don’t know why I am telling you this, but I feel like you need to hear it,” he shared, with an authority I can only relate to that of the “prophets of old.”
“Don’t settle for anything less than God has for you. God wants you to...
Yep. You read that question correctly.
I’ll ask it again, and this time, let every distraction fade into the background and allow yourself to answer honestly.
Do you love yourself?
If you answered that question with any of the following responses, this article is a MUST READ for you.
“Yeah, but …”
“I don’t know.”
Show of hands, who literally had any of these answers pop into your mind in response to the question?
I know, I can’t see you right now, but you can go on ahead and raise that hand. Put it on up there!
It seems like a relatively simple question to answer.
In reality, it is one of the most challenging questions Christian women have to face.
You spend your days working hard to model the Proverbs 31 woman.
You wake up earlier than the rest of the family to take care of some tidying up before the chaos begins.
Clothes have to be laid...
How many times have you called yourself fat in the last week? Last month? Last year?
How many times have you made “joking” remarks about how fat or disgusting you look to your friends or husband?
When you look in the mirror every morning, what do you say to yourself?
How about after an evening of overeating?
What are you telling yourself, even if it’s just in your head?
If it has anything to do with how disgusting and fat you are, you have a BIG problem.
Let me back up here for a minute. Let’s talk about the word fat.
Fat is adipose tissue in your body. It’s also a macronutrient.
But what it’s NOT is an identity.
You are NOT fat. You may have extra fat on your body, but that is NOT WHO YOU ARE.
Why is this such an important distinction to make?
If you think you’re fat, guess, what? You’ll take action to be fat.
“Ugh! I hate the holidays. I eat and eat and eat. There is so much good stuff. I just can’t help myself. Of course, I gain like 10 lbs. No, seriously. I will step on the scale after a party and be up 5. Then, I just think to myself, ‘who cares now’, and keep eating.”
I remember complaining this exact way a few years ago.
The holidays were a time I DREADED.
It was hard enough to lose weight during any normal time of the year, but then you stacked up three sugar-laden holidays back-to-back and I believed there was NO hope for fitting into those skinny jeans.
Now, as a coach, I hear this ALLLLLLL the time. Most women struggling with weight are either terrified, frustrated or dreading what is supposed to be a joyous time.
No, you don’t just come out and say this or even maybe realize it. That’s because you have become really good at pushing it away. It’s much...
What if you never feared what other people thought about you?
What if you had no problem with anyone judging you?
What if you were totally OK with them being wrong about you?
What if you took all criticism and negative remarks about yourself and learned from them?
Take a minute. Really think about this.
My guess, if you're anything like me, that your life would look drastically different.
Here are a few things I came up with if I could truly live this way.
Can you relate to this situation?
You eat healthy all week. Then on the weekend you go overboard allowing anything to go into your mouth.
By Sunday evening you’re saying,
“Ugh. You just keep messing up. You are such a failure. Just forget it. Who cares anyway?”
But what’s not typical, the women that choose NOT to believe these lies.
The women the dismiss this thinking are the ones that confident and just magnetic to be around.
How you talk to yourself determines how you feel about yourself. How your feel about yourself will determine how you will treat yourself AND others.
Two weeks ago, I explained why it’s vital that Christian women build their self-confidence.
You alone created my inner being. You knitted me together...
This often the answer I get when I ask clients what they want to start working on.
This is not an exaggeration either.
Can you start implementing all of these at once along with your busy life?
Yeah, me neither.
To top it all off, in the past we’ve tried to change everything all at once.
Then we made it mean we aren’t good at the things we tried. Or that we aren’t meant to lose weight and keep it off.
Two weeks ago I told you the “secret” to losing weight and keeping it off…
Last week, I outlined the very first and most important step to building self-confidence…
Trusting God really is the only step you need. Because if you trust God, you’ll start and you’ll keep going no matter what failures.
Last week’s I wrote about the MOST important thing I think most Christian women are lacking:
You can find that post here. You don’t have to read that post before reading this one, but it will help.
And, if you've been wondering how in the world you are you going to increase your self-confidence, I’ve got you. That’s what we are covering today and the next couple of weeks.
The hope is to start building your self-confidence muscle so you can show up as your true self, the one God created.
Let’s dive in.
Trusting yourself is a vital piece of self-confidence.
Do you believe that God is the ultimate, perfect creator?
At the same time, do you believe that you’re not good enough?
How do those two work together?
If God made you, then he made you perfect for your place in this...
These girls aren’t usually what others would call the “prettiest” or even the “smartest”.
The girls that I was jealous of were the ones that could get ANYONE talking and made everyone feel included. The ones that would stand up in front of a group and give a quick talk and would skip the part where their hands shake and voice cracks. The ones that could hop out on the dance floor and have the time of their life WITHOUT any liquid courage.
You know those girls, right?
The ones with…
There are so many misconceptions about self-confidence that I’d like to clear some up.
It’s the state of being secure in yourself and your abilities.
Put it in the Christian perspective; it’s the state of...