Gain Self-Confidence Not Approval

Uncategorized Mar 02, 2020


Let’s imagine something.

What if you never feared what other people thought about you?

What if you had no problem with anyone judging you?

What if you were totally OK with them being wrong about you?

What if you took all criticism and negative remarks about you and learned from them?

How would you feel?

How would you act? 

Who would you be?

Really think about this.  Give yourself a couple of minutes to jot a couple things down.


Here is what I came up with.

  • I would be more honest.  Honest about my likes and dislikes.  Honest about how I viewed the world. 
  • I would take more time and slow down. 
  • I would walk with my head held high and my shoulders back.
  • More of my time would be spent focusing on my savior, Jesus Christ; praying, learning and teaching. 
  • I would be happier and feel freer. 
  • I would gain time to focus rather than spinning in doubt.


I would be confident in who God made me and the abilities He gave me.

That my friends brings us back to the definition of self-confidence.

You want to gain more self-confidence?  Well, a big piece of that will be letting go of what other humans may or may not think of you.

It means letting go of comparison.

It means seeking God’s approval, not man’s.


“It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust man.” Psalm 118:8

“Am I saying this now to win the approval of people or God? Am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be Christ’s servant.” Galatians 1:10

That last verse is eye opening.  If we’re pleasing people, we aren’t being a servant of Christ. 

If we’re pleasing people, we aren’t confident in what God made and using our abilities for Christ.

I know so many of you know this intellectually.  We know we shouldn’t care what others think of us, but we get so quickly tangled up in the web of self-doubt.

So, what do you do about this?  How do you start letting go of other’s opinions and build self-confidence?


Good questions.

First, understand that I don’t think we will ever completely let go of what other’s think about us.  Some of us will always struggle more than others. 

If you struggle with self-doubt and the need to impress, I HEAR YOU.  I’m working on it daily myself.  But that is the important part to remember.  You can always work on it.  It’s something that can be changed!

There are two KEY ways to start overcoming this need to gain approval.

  1. Awareness
  2. God’s grace

First, you need to be aware of all the time you are trying to “manipulate” other’s opinions.  I’m going to call it what it is. 

People pleasers are manipulators. 

Don’t worry, I’m calling myself out too.

If you are people pleasing, you are trying to control something that you have NO CONTROL over… other people’s thoughts.  But, you BELIEVE you can influence them.  And to influence their opinion, you do not act like you.

If you are not being you, then how can someone ever really know and love YOU?  You give up being genuine and honest for a disguise.

That is not serving God, not trusting in His creation. And that is not loving your neighbor.


Second, we need to look to God when we are in need.  God’s grace is enough.  He’s the one that can handle any problem.

Are you confident that His opinion is the one that matters?  Are you confident His is working things for your good? 

Honestly?  I think most people would say no.  But that’s a great place to start.  At least you’re being honest.


Practice being uncomfortable and embarrassed.  Practice saying things you normally hold in.  Practice making decisions and not second guessing.  Practice taking action with out getting everyone’s opinion. 

Practice being you. 

The completely flawed and worthy human you are.

You’ll never regret being who God truly made you to be.


Being you… well… that is self-confidence.


P.S. This is the fourth blog post in a series of self-confidence. If you’re still struggling with how this really looks in your life, or wondering who God really made you, I get it.  I was there too once.  Let me help you as someone that has walked the walk.  Sign up for a FREE coaching consult HERE.


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